Avoidance
by Darkbrokenreaper
Summary: AU Sequel to Speechless and Breathless. Allen is back and safe again but to what extent? He is changed and in more ways than Kanda can handle. But then again, he sure as hell can try. Yullen.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here you are! The long awaited sequel to Speechless and Breathless. This fic picks up where the other fic left off. So you MUST read the other fic to understand this one. So please enjoy and review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own d. gray man.**

Where Normalcy is Not Bliss

During the few weeks where Allen was discharged from the hospital after being deemed physically healthy, Kanda had realized that Allen would never be the same little boy he had (although he would never admit it) adored. For one, the white-haired teen denied any bodily touch even from Kanda. This provided some difficulty for the swordsman who, after a month of not seeing his lover, felt very... needy.

Allen had also regained his voice (a miracle on his part) but this switched on and off. Meaning, he was mute one day and on another, he could speak without any trouble. How the hell that worked was still a mystery to the white-haired exorcist.

And another thing: Allen was _very_ good at hiding and avoiding the longhaired teen when he felt shy or didn't want another make out session, which was often. This proved to be a problem...

It all started in the cafeteria a few days ago (when he didn't know what avoidance skills his beansprout had), when Kanda's libido could not take it anymore and he desperately needed to cuddle with his beansprout or there would be hell to pay.

"Oi, rabbit," Kanda greeted Lavi with his usual glare and insults.

"Oh, Yuu!" the future Bookman appeared nervous all of a sudden when he saw the swordsman's expectant gaze. Kanda's eyes narrowed. He knew something. "Err... what do you need?" Lavi asked.

"Where is the beansprout?" the samurai inquired, not bothering with the fact that the idiot bunny had called him by his first name again. The red-haired teen blanched.

There was an underlying threat there. He was going to die painfully if he didn't give the right answer. He just knew it.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about!" Lavi inched his way slowly toward the door. Maybe if he could reach the entrance fast enough, he would have a chance to escape alive.

"Where the hell are you hiding him?" Kanda growled, pulling out Mugen and pointing it at the rabbit.

"Oh, would you look at the time?" Lavi quaked in his boots and looked at a clock that wasn't there. "Gramps will be expecting me to do library duty soon and I don't want to be late! Bye!" And he turned tail and fled.

Said beansprout suddenly entered the cafeteria for breakfast and was sent flying as he bumped into Lavi.

"Ow," the younger boy rubbed the sore spot on his head. Thankfully, he could talk today. "What the hell, Lavi?"

"Moyashi-chan!" the frightened bunny shouted and continued to flee, pulling Allen along with him. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! YUU-CHAN'S GOING TO RAPE YOU!!"

"OI!" Kanda snarled as he raced after them. "Where do you think you're going?"

Lavi squealed when Mugen came flying and narrowly avoided his head but was implanted in the stone next to it.

"EH?!" Allen finally grasped what his friend meant and ran as if the devil was at his heels (which was not really that far from the truth). He made a sharp right and jumped off the railing.

Kanda followed after him, leaving Lavi to hide in a corner and catch his breath.

"Phew," he sighed, "That was so close. God help poor Beansprout-chan. He's still on Yuu-chan's radar." He vowed that the next time he passed the alter, he would bring some offerings and pray to the Holy Lord.

Meanwhile...

Allen pulled himself onto another line of railing before hopping onto the floor and running down the corridor. Finders, scientists, and exorcists left and right wondered why the cute boy was running so fast and with such a terror-stricken expression on his face... until a very pissed swordsman followed. A wave of understanding passed between the residents of the Black Order. They all made a large path for the two, afraid that they would be dragged into this or accused of hiding the white haired child which would leave to Kanda shoving Mugen down their throats. And nobody wanted to die that way.

"Stop, you stupid beansprout!" he picked up his pace.

"No!" the cursed child shrieked and veered to the left. He opened a door and locked himself in, his heart thundering in his chest. Allen pushed a desk against the door and sighed, feeling safe for now.

Suddenly, the door was being pounded on so fiercely that it nearly snapped under the pressure.

"Open up!" Kanda shouted. "Or I'm going to cut open the door!"

Allen let out a little 'meep' of fear as the sound of metal was drawn and the door was sliced in two.

"Moyashi!" Kanda watched in horror as Allen opened the window and jumped out.

This continued for the better part of the morning and all the way into the afternoon. And the only reason Kanda was able to snatch up his unwilling moyashi was because the kid had stopped in the cafeteria for dinner.

"Shouldn't we help him?" Lenalee asked as she finished up her dinner. She watched at Kanda carried the poor teen over his shoulder to their room and grinned. This was awesome stuff for her new doujinshi she was doing.

"Lenalee, Lavi!" Allen almost sobbed. "Help me!"

Lavi and Lenalee thought about it. Helping the cursed teen would mean instant death...

"Nah," Lavi shook his head. He turned to the cursed boy who looked at him with a hopeful expression. "Sorry, moyashi-chan! But I value my skin more than yours! No hard feelings, right?"

"Lavi, you idiot!" Allen screamed as he was carried away. "Lenalee, help me!"

"Sorry, Allen-kun!" she called out to him. "I have to help Komui-niisan with paperwork after dinner. I'll check on you tomorrow morning!"

Both exorcists waved jovially at Allen before continuing their eating.

* * *

Allen let out a groan of pain as he was thrown on the bed. He backed away slightly in alarm when Kanda sat next to him but made no move to touch him.

"Do you love me?" he asked tactlessly. He fixed Allen with his most sober gaze.

Allen's eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink. Despite the severe look he was receiving, he laughed at the absurdity of the question and at the tense atmosphere.

"Of course I do, silly Bakanda," Allen smiled. "You're the one who risked your life to save me after all."

"Then why do you not want me to touch you?" he asked intensely. Kanda chided himself for showing so many weak emotions. He was supposed to be the strong one in this relationship.

That was a question Allen felt that he could not answer appropriately. He was afraid of human touch after all he had been through. He was afraid that the coldness and desperation for salvation would come to him again, and leave him crying in pain. He was afraid of abandonment and the dark loneliness it would surely bring. He hated that feeling and it terrified him.

"I'm just not a people person yet," Allen shrugged as he lied easily and plastered on a fake grin. But Kanda could see through it. He saw what his moyashi was really fearful of.

Before the hapless boy could protest, his hands were pinned above him and he found himself trapped between the bed and Kanda.

"K-Kanda," Allen blushed, as his face was only a few inches away from the swordsman's. He felt his breathing become strained and his heartbeat quicken ten fold. "W-What do you think you're doing?"

He squirmed and struggled to free himself but the hold on his hands was stubborn. Fear akin to that of a panic attack gripped him and he felt his chest rising and falling too fast.

Any more complaints were lost in his throat as he felt a pair of warm lips caress his own, gently and almost soothingly. Any phobia or distress he felt melted away instantly. He focused solely on the fluttery feeling in his stomach and those soft lips that felt so good and tasted delicious to him.

A hot probing tongue forced its way into his mouth which Allen invited in happily. Long, calloused fingers threaded in his short hair and caressed his cheek. He let out a low moan when the tongue stroked teasingly at his bottom lip and wondered how Kanda had gotten so good at kissing.

"Am I forgiven?" Allen panted breathlessly as they parted for air.

"Che, no," he grinned, licking Allen's lips sensually.

"What?" Allen answered indignantly, "But I-"

Kanda did not let him answer but leaned back down for another breath-stealing kiss.

"It's midnight," Allen murmured between their lips. "Can I go to sleep now?" He made a move to detach himself from Kanda's limbs.

"You can sleep here today," Kanda refused to let go of his young lover and tightened his hold on the boy's wrists.

Allen turned a bright shade of red before pushing off the older teen.

"My bed is just right there!" he motioned to the mattress on the other side of the room. "How much closer could I possibly get?!"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Kanda smirked and pushed Allen back down on the bed. "You're sleeping here today."

"But-" Allen stopped when Kanda gave him a meaningful glare and sighed. "Fine but please don't touch me. I'm still slightly uncomfortable." That last part was whispered but the raven-haired man caught it.

"Whatever," the swordsman wrapped an arm around the smaller boy's waist as if to smite him and pulled him closer until he could feel the warm body press against him.

"K-Kanda," Allen whined, struggling to pull the arm off him. The iron hold would not let go and all will he had left was gone. He turned to face the older man whose eyes were already closed. "Good night, Bakanda."

"Che, good night, moyashi," he whispered back and blindly kissed the pentacle above Allen's left eye.

**A/N: There you are. And it all ended on a happy note. Please review if you liked it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter two. Again, I am anxious to get writing because this story is turning so well for me. I have also found out that I suck at total AUs... I had three planned out and after I started writing them, they didn't turn out right. Bleh... anyways, so here is chapter two of Avoidance.**

**You guys get this chapter because Kanda has finally made an appearance after so many chapters. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Poison in My Head and Veins

Needless to say, Kanda was pissed to find that Allen was gone when he woke up. And it appeared that he had hidden again.

"Kanda," Lenalee knocked on his door. "You're needed for a mission. Be happy because it's with Allen-kun. So be sure to tell him." There was a soft giggle.

"How do I tell him if I can't find him?" he growled in annoyance. Lenalee opened the door and peeked in.

"Allen-kun's not here?" Lenalee gave the angry swordsman a gentle smile. "You should give him some credit. He hides very well if you can't find him."

"That just means it takes a hell of a lot of effort to find him," Kanda grumbled and folded his arms over his chest.

"You could check the roof. He loves to go up there to hide sometimes. Just like you when you got here..." Lenalee mused.

The violet-eyed girl could not put another word in as Kanda pelted away in search of his young lover.

--

Allen nodded his head, silver eyes threatening to close shut. It was the voice in his head again, telling him to sleep forever. It had been like this since he had gotten back. A voice in his head whispering to take over his body so long as he had the Innocence attached to him. The Innocence wanted him to submit, to sleep so that it could use its body as a fighting machine.

His Innocence had been woken up harshly in the labs (he shuddered when he thought about it) and now it desired total control over its host.

Sometimes it sent throbbing signals that drove him mad and other times, it just drained him of all energy so that he would collapse in the most random of places, therefore allowing the Innocence a chance to take over. There were instances where he could ignore this but others where he curled up in a dark corner and just got over it on his own. Whatever the tactic it chose, he refused to let that happen. Which is why he avoided everyone. He didn't want to be sent back because he was slowly being consumed both mentally and physically. He didn't want to be alone but it was so painful for anyone to watch and down right awkward that he needed some privacy when these attacks happened.

"The sun is so pretty today," Allen murmured without a sound and blocked the view a little with his hand. This was one of the days where his voice failed him.

He loved going to the roof of headquarters. There was no one to bother him or see him when he was riding out the pain in his mind. And the roof was so high up that it gave him a sense of calm and serenity to be here.

A twinge alerted him that another bout of pain was coming. He coiled himself into a ball and shut his eyes tight. A moment later, he felt something burst inside his head as heat spiraled down and engulfed his heart. Inside him, something pulled his brain to the point where he bit through his lip to alleviate the pain elsewhere. He curled up defensively, trying to keep himself from crying. The last thing he needed were tears. Darkness had taken over him and a numb feeling washed over. Granted, the pain was still there but it had slowed to a faint throb that made him ache all over. He let out a soundless moan as his hands twitched periodically.

The pain dulled and turned to something else, something that made him yelp with mortification.

"Oi, beansprout!" the trap door to the roof opened. Allen recognized the deep voice and almost bashed himself. There was no way he was going to let Kanda see him so vulnerable like this but he couldn't move.

Allen's body grew unbearably warm all of a sudden leaving him panting shallowly and gripping the stone top.

_Move, body, move! _He urged himself but he couldn't.

"Moyashi?" a shadow towered over him before the owner scooped him into a pair of strong arms. Allen let out a low whine and fought weakly to escape Kanda's grip on him. "What the hell is happening to you?"

Allen shook his head fiercely, trying to get Kanda to leave him. He flailed his arms like a child as more fire (not enough to burn him though) pooled in his stomach. His pants became more audible and his cheeks more flushed from both embarrassment and heat. He barely registered a cool hand touching his forehead.

"Damn it, beansprout!" Kanda cursed, "You're feverish! You shouldn't be out here." The same hand yanked off his new exorcist coat and opened the buttons of his shirt. The white-haired boy shivered somewhat as his sweaty skin met the cold air. It felt nice...

Allen whined again but this time, the sound came out albeit it being hoarse and a bit raspy. He needed to be alone but the samurai seemed to have other ideas. He felt himself being lifted off the cool stone floor and being moved.

_No! _He mentally screamed. He was not going back down where people could see him.

"Put me down," he rasped and winced when his voice scraped his throat. It burned like hell.

"Hell no!" Kanda shot the white-haired boy a withering glare. "You are getting help and I am damn sure going to get you there!"

"No!" Allen croaked, tears coming out of his eyes. "I don't want to go back! I don't want to go back! Leave me here! People won't stare at me here!"

Allen coughed violently and his voice gave out again.

Kanda froze and eyed the boy in his arms apprehensively. It finally donned on him.

"You've been through this before, haven't you?" Kanda demanded. "That's why you've been hiding from me."

The flushed boy shook his head meekly. He needed to lie if that meant more time up here.

"Don't lie to me!" Kanda yelled, catching his bluff before whispering in a quieter voice. "Don't you see how much it hurts me to see you like this?"

Allen braced himself for the scolding and insults he knew he was going to get but none of that came. Instead, he received a small smack on his head and a soft sigh of resignation. He felt Kanda sitting down with him still in the warm, comforting hold.

"This isn't some random fever," Kanda replied more of a statement than a question. "How long?"

Allen blushed and buried his face into the swordsman's chest. His hands clutched the man's exorcist coat into knots.

"You've been hiding since..." Kanda thought about for a while before it hit him. "Those bastards... I'm going to slaughter them! They will beg for death after I'm through with them."

Allen whimpered when the ringing pain came back with full force and opened his mouth in a silent scream. He arched in Kanda's arms and attempted to squirm out of them.

"O-Oi! Beansprout! What are you doing now?" Kanda tightened his hold on the younger teen to keep him from hurting himself. The raven-haired man still had many questions for the boy but his main priority now was to be there for Allen.

_Go away. Please, go away. _Allen wanted to say as the pain muddled his senses. The agony was stifling and he desperately wanted to dig his hands into something or bite something. His hands suddenly became occupied, gripping something warm and calloused. He realized, in his torture, that it was Kanda's larger hands holding his so firmly.

"I'm here, you stupid moyashi," Kanda smirked, hiding a wince as Allen's fingers dug into his knuckles. "Whether you want it or not. I'm not going anywhere."

_He's not going to leave me. He's going to stay here with me. _He thought through his hazy mind. The poison in his mind telling him to submit grew louder and much hotter, almost scalding, furious with his happiness. It wanted him to give in. He refused. As long as he lived and there was Kanda, he was going to endure this and get through it.

Allen smiled. Now he had someone to share his pain and endure it with him. And that thought made him grin through his tears.

**A/N: And there is another chapter full of mushiness I hope. Anyways, please review if you enjoyed it! Also, I support the Beijing Olympics! Go China!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I haven't updated this one in a while and before you all kill me I have a good reason! My email is not receiving mail from ff. net and I don't knows why. (sobs) Which means I get nothing. Sigh... I don't know what happened. Anyways, please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

A New Experience

Allen blinked slowly, hiding behind Kanda like a lost child. There were so many sounds and they were all disconcerting. The train as it passed by made such loud hissing and rumbling sounds. The child and people waiting for the train were talkative and they crowded around Allen who hated and feared any touch but Kanda's.

"Relax, moyashi," the comforting voice from the raven-haired man and a reassuring touch on his shoulder soothed his frayed nerves. "It's just a train. Nothing is going to hurt you."

The white-haired boy merely nodded and buried his head into the other's exorcist jacket, shutting his eyes to block out any images of the frightening things. He was on one of his 'mute' days, as he liked to call them.

He was on a mission to Russia with Kanda. His first mission and needless to say, he was scared but having the older teen with him was nice. At least he wouldn't be alone.

Kanda was worried about the boy huddled behind him although his face didn't show it. This was the child's first mission and even though he was one to finish a mission efficiently and quickly, even though he hated burdens, he couldn't help but feel protective and gentle of his small lover.

"We're with the Black Order," he glared at the porter who was eying the quivering boy with what he saw as romantic interest. His hand reached possessively toward Allen's hands and his other hand reached for Mugen's hilt. No one, and he meant no one was allowed to look at his beansprout that way.

"Right this way," the man bowed, escorting them to the first class compartment. After giving Allen one last gaze, the man left leaving both teens alone. Kanda continued glaring at the door in case the porter came back while Allen sat in front of him, his head turned to the window.

The scenery whizzed passed the window and Allen snapped his head back and forth like an excited child to try to capture all of it. He had never been on a train before and the motion made his head spin. He turned back, moaning soundlessly and clutching his dizzy head. A small chuckle turned his attention to the man sitting in front of him.

"Stupid beansprout," Kanda chided softly, pulling the boy from his side to his lap. "Don't look outside if you're going to get dizzy."

Allen blushed when he felt long arms circle around him and keep him securely near the other man. He struggled to move back to his place but Kanda's arms wound tighter and pulled the child to his chest.

"Don't move, Allen," Kanda whispered in the white-haired exorcist's ear. Allen blushed even more but remained still.

His head turned back to the trees and water that was running passed by. He was enthralled with the sight to the point of not caring if he was dizzy from the constant snapping of his head. A hand descended on his line of sight however and he whined in protest.

"You're going to get yourself sick," Kanda growled in annoyance as the silver-eyed teen tried to pry off his hand. "Go to sleep. I'll wake you when we get there."

Allen had been with Kanda long enough to know that this was a command meant to be obeyed and gave up, submitting to the man's wishes. He made himself comfortable, leaning closer against the older teen's chest and closing his silver eyes. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he was fast asleep, feeling Kanda's breath blowing gently at his right ear.

* * *

The town was empty except for a stray pile of clothing and ash here and there. It was eerily quiet as the pair walked down the main road.

"They've been targeted by the akuma," Kanda murmured. Allen nodded, walking closer to the taller man.

Dozens of level one akuma surrounded the main akuma, a level three that snickered as they came near it.

"Exorcists," the akuma hissed, clapping its hands in sickening merriment. "Exorcists are here to play with me. I will have fun as I rip you limb from limb."

The machinery in Allen's curse whirred to life, turning into the monocle that zeroed in on the most gruesome part of the demon. The soul trapped within the akuma made Allen want to vomit like usual except this one was in sadder condition than all the others he had encountered. He had only fought level ones and twos so seeing a level three was devastating. The soul was deteriorated to the point where he could not recognize it and its screams of pain and anguish were louder in the cursed boy's ears than anything he had ever heard before. He crumpled to the floor and covered his mouth with his hand to fight the bile rising in the back of his throat.

It was too sad to watch and it scared him. The voice in the back of his head, his Innocence, sang in happiness at the sight of the akuma. It wanted nothing more than to destroy the demon. It wanted temporary possession of his body and it promised to free the soul within.

Allen saw the sense in that. He yearned to help the pitiful akuma and allowed the Innocence this one time.

"Innocence activate," Allen murmured soundlessly, allowing the euphoric feeling of the Crown Clown take him. The blinding white light that always felt warm surrounded him. His silver eyes shut closed and he permitted the voice in his Innocence to snake its tendrils across his body, controlling him like a puppet on strings.

This was the first time Kanda had seen Allen invocate and it was certainly a sight that took one's breath away. The boy's sweet and innocent expression was replaced with one of seriousness and duty that he had never seen on the teen before. A white cowl and a mask adorned Allen, making him seem much more mature and suited for battle. His Innocence hand had turned into long sharp claws and his whole aura radiated off as someone who had done battle many times.

Kanda both cursed and reveled in seeing Allen in such a magnificent form. He could not imagine the pain his young lover had to go through to get to such a high level of Innocence synchronization but he was relieved with the fact that Allen could protect himself and mildly proud that he had such a powerful comrade.

They moved into battle. The white-haired exorcist could feel his body moving quickly through the level ones, taking them out easily. He saw that his Innocence was aimed for the level three. It craved for the kill, licking his lips in anticipation.

"Ooh!" the akuma giggled, "You shall be first, little one? Very well, I'm sure your blood will taste as good as the pretty human boy's over there."

Allen felt his lips pull back in a smirk before lurching forward. His arm reeled back but the demon was quicker and swiped him away to one side.

"Moyashi!" Kanda shouted as the boy was thrown and crushed into the wall of a building. He moved to assist Allen but was blocked by a hoard of level one akuma. Their cannons singled onto him as he cursed, readying his sword.

The cursed exorcist groaned, pushing himself out of the debris. Blood was pouring down in rivers on both Allen's cheek and arms and he was sure the pain he felt in his ribs was because of something broken, but he ignored all the pain and stood alert.

'Wait for the opponent to strike first,' the voice ran through in his head. 'Find where they are striking and then move away.'

The akuma snickered with glee and struck out. Allen moved to the left in a fluid motion. The speed at which he was going astounded even him. The feeling of power fueled with adrenaline coursed in his veins. He loved this. He wanted more of this.

His body knew automatically what to do. It was like Allen was sitting in a corner of his own head, watching through his eyes like a movie projector. He flipped over the akuma and landed smoothly on its back. His lips moved without a sound.

"Pitiful akuma, may your soul find salvation," he formed before slicing one of his talon-like fingers in a cross. The light that was emitted was marvelous and he could hear the soul's happiness and relief. Along with the soul's happiness, he could feel his Innocence laughing in elation.

Allen wondered why his Innocence was so filled with joy until he realized that he couldn't get out of the small corner in his head. He was trapped and no matter how much he pushed and battered at the shields, he could not release its hold on his mind.

"Let me out!" he screamed internally, pounding away at the barriers his Innocence had set to restrain him. "You promised!"

The Innocence ignored him, not even fazed by his relentless smashing but instead turned to face the raven-haired exorcist in front of him. Allen's blood froze and his fighting stopped for a moment before returning full force.

Kanda was more than unnerved to see the smile on Allen's face. It was still the usual understanding smile but more mischievous and malicious. There was also an abnormal spark in the boy's eyes that didn't suit him.

He was even more surprised when Allen jumped into his arms, hugging him enthusiastically and peppering his cheeks with small kisses. Usually he had to coax the smaller boy into more intimate acts of touch but he seemed very willing today.

"Are you all right, moyashi?" Kanda forced the boy to face him and stop his acts of affection, eyes scanning the small and lithe body for any wounds.

"Kanda! That's not me!" Allen from inside his prison sobbed. "The Innocence has taken over my body!"

Little by little, Allen could feel his mind slip further away from his body. The Innocence was dominating him. It wanted full possession; his mind, his body, and his soul.

"Kanda, help me," he pleaded as drowsiness overtook his senses in his little corner where he had been shoved.

"Kanda, help me," the Innocence Allen said before his hand clasped his mouth shut but the older exorcist caught it.

"What did you say, beansprout?" the dark blue eyes narrowed in his direction.

Innocence Allen waved his hands in front of him, smiling and shaking his head in a 'nothing' gesture.

There was something odd about the cursed child after the fight. Kanda could see that but he waved it off.

**A/N: There! More Yullen spam for the entire world! Yes, the Innocence has taken over Allen while he is being shoved into nothingness. Soon the darkness will crush him and he will cease to exist! Or will Kanda be there to save him? Fufufufu... tune in next time for more fluff!**

**Oh! And the Innocence part of Allen that has taken over our small adorable boy will be called Innocence Allen from now on.**


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